gentleman who has earned the distinctly unappealing task of hand-scrubbing
Gilbert Brown's jock strap.
A quick note before we start: Any quotes or actions surrounding the Ines
Sainz incident are excluded from the Jock Wash. That's a large list on its own,
perhaps a more serious issue than we should get into here, and besides, Brian
Baldinger just topped everyone anyway.
With that out of the way, this week's nominees:
Whoever created the Calvin Johnson rule. Detroit Lions head coach Jim
Schwartz is right: Anyone who saw Calvin Johnson catch that football in the
endzone knows that Calvin Johnson, well, caught that football. It fits every
possible definition of the word "catch", except for the one that the
NFL uses. His job is to catch the football, and accordingly, he caught the
football. He shouldn't have to get up, cradle the ball gently in his arms and
read it a poem before it counts as a catch.
Calvin Johnson. That said, though, if your profession is NFL wide
receiver, you should probably take the time to get acquainted with the rules you
have to follow. That the rule is moronic, if you're Calvin Johnson, is sort of
irrelevant. You're in the NFL, you play by their dumb rules. This falls on the
Lions coaching staff, too. It's on you to make sure that your players know what
they have to do to complete a catch.
San Diego Chargers fans. You've made four straight playoff
appearances, won four straight division titles, and you can't sell out your home
opener? What's happening in San Diego? Is someone in San Diego giving away free
erotic massages at 1:00 on Sunday? Is everyone staying home to watch the WNBA
Finals? Inexcusable. Almost as inexcusable as the fact that the
Padres can't draw, either.
Whoever designed the NFL's concussion policy. Remember on Sunday when
a a concussed Stewart Bradley stumbled around the field before falling down
helplessly? And then went back into the game, just minutes later? The Eagles
apparently did nothing wrong. The NFLPA says they followed
all the correct procedures. Since then, though, Bradley has failed every
attempt to pass the tests required to get him back on the field, so I think it's
fair to ask (again): What's the test Bradley has to pass on the sideline? As
long as he's not openly peeing on himself, we're fine? It doesn't make any
sense. If he can't pass the test on Thursday, exactly how did he get himself
cleared on Sunday afternoon?
And the winner is ...
Chargers fans. It's inexcusable. If the Chargers were perennially
awful (something that would not be all together unfamiliar to Chargers fans), it
would be one thing, but how much success does a team need to have before people
can be bothered to go see them? If you live in San Diego and refer to yourself
as a Chargers fan, you can go ahead and spend your Sunday detailing Gilbert's
loincloth.
Kerry Suseck Kim Kardashian Kim Smith Kim Yoon jin Kirsten Dunst
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